Keep It Real in the Meal Yall

No, no Wierd Records party for me, i'd much rather make love to my KITCHEN...

So… maybe you recognize this face. by this face i mean this rear end. That’s right. its the chicken that you passed over at the supermarket. i know, i know little chicken, the organic free range jawns get all the press and attention these days, but trust me dun. i still got love for you little Miss Perdue.

1. That’s why i still take the time to rinse, salt and pepper (or selt and pappar that ass as we say in Ashytown) and towel you completely dry. Really important.
2. Next, i can see you’re getting totally relaxed so i move on the the next step, getting all my aromatics and accouterments ready. For this eve we have, thyme, sage, rosemary and a couple of garlic cloves (skin on, for protection).
3. Next i get your little “hothouse” ready. I’ll show a lil trick i learned when living on the streets. its called how to make your bed into a homemade roasting pan. In the street its how you keep from wallowing in your own filth, but for you my dear it’ll help you roast up all nice and get that golden tan you always wanted. Yea Yea, that’s right, no soy sauce suntan here… take some foil, roll it up, bend it into little curved foil pencils, and place at the bottom of your pan. this keeps the air under you moving and makes sure you get even coverage all over. sheeeeeeiiiiiiit…
4. It’s rude, i know. But i can’t resist tossing that last little garlic clove in your, uh, face. you’re herbed up, all jammed up and tied up (trussed as they call it in the kitchen) so now its about time to get hot juicy and heavy. Couple of glamour shots for the camera and off you go love…

I got a little bored waiting for her to cook up, so i decided to call my friend the salmon filet to come by. We tossed back a few longboys and before you knew it, the salmon was all naked, skin of and chopped up into tiny chunks on my counter top. Awesome, i thought, and took the chance to grab the skin and try to make a snack out of it (black sea salt on it for 10 minutes then quickly fry for about 5 minutes) while i figured out something to do with the rest of the lovely cut up salmon…  I KNOW!!! SALMON BURGERS!!! hopped on to epicurious.com and snagged a simple salmon burger recipe. (PS. Life is made more awesome by googling whatever food you want to cook preceded by the words “Epicurious Simple) called for a few ingredients i already had so boom:

• sour cream
• scallions or chives
• parsley
• bread crumbs (used some old ciabatta bread to make some extras - i’m crazy like that)
• Worcestershire sauce
• salt, pepper,
• fresh ground ancho chili powder (yea i actually DID just have that laying around)
• eggs

Mashed everything up in a bowl, all set. dinner for later this week? DONE. And Mr. Salmon in his drunken stupor is none the wiser…

Before you knew it, after 55 minutes in a 450 degree oven, Miss Perdue was all set, crispy golden outside, unbasted, herby, friggin delicious. i grabbed one of the cloves from inside and schmeared it all over her. nothing like a layer of sweet fresh garlic smothered over your lady to set things off proper…

.. .And that was pretty much it. We had a great time. And no were werent bopping in a smoke filled, red tinted sweatbox of a basement jamming to gothy synthy madness, but we filled our living room with smoke from grilling the asparagus, and all in all had a great night anyway… my thanks to Miss Perdue and Mr. Salmon.